Harry Potter and The Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash

Came across a new chapter of Harry Potter written using a predictive text algorithm on Botnik.org and I am both amused and amazed at how eloquent it is.

Here are some gems:

“Magic: It was something Harry Potter thought was very good.”

“Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family.”

“Ron’s Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.”

” ‘If you two can’t clump happily, I’m going to get aggressive’, confessed the reasonable Hermione. ”

” ‘What about Ron magic?’ offered Ron. To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds. ”

“Ron was going to be spiders. He just was.”

“Harry, Ron, and Hermione quietly stood behind a circle of Death eaters who looked bad.

‘I think it’s okay if you like me,’ said one Death Eater.

‘Thank you very much,’ replied the other.

The first Death Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.

‘Oh! Well done!’ said the second as his friend stepped back again. All the other Death Eaters clapped politely. Then they all took a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry’s magic.”

“Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.”

“‘Voldemort, you’re a very bad and mean wizard,’ Harry savagely said. Hermione nodded encouragingly.”

“The tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said ‘Hermione Has Forgotten How To Dance,’ so Hermione dipped his face in mud.”

“The Death Eaters were dead now, and Harry was hungrier than he had ever been.”

“The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: ‘You are Hagrid, now’.”

Read it here: http://botnik.org/content/harry-potter.html