Harry Potter and The Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash

Came across a new chapter of Harry Potter written using a predictive text algorithm on Botnik.org and I am both amused and amazed at how eloquent it is.

Here are some gems:

“Magic: It was something Harry Potter thought was very good.”

“Ron was standing there and doing a kind of frenzied tap dance. He saw Harry and immediately began to eat Hermione’s family.”

“Ron’s Ron shirt was just as bad as Ron himself.”

” ‘If you two can’t clump happily, I’m going to get aggressive’, confessed the reasonable Hermione. ”

” ‘What about Ron magic?’ offered Ron. To Harry, Ron was a loud, slow, and soft bird. Harry did not like to think about birds. ”

“Ron was going to be spiders. He just was.”

“Harry, Ron, and Hermione quietly stood behind a circle of Death eaters who looked bad.

‘I think it’s okay if you like me,’ said one Death Eater.

‘Thank you very much,’ replied the other.

The first Death Eater confidently leaned forward to plant a kiss on his cheek.

‘Oh! Well done!’ said the second as his friend stepped back again. All the other Death Eaters clapped politely. Then they all took a few minutes to go over the plan to get rid of Harry’s magic.”

“Harry could tell that Voldemort was standing right behind him. He felt a great overreaction. Harry tore his eyes from his head and threw them into the forest. Voldemort raised his eyebrows at Harry, who could not see anything at the moment.”

“‘Voldemort, you’re a very bad and mean wizard,’ Harry savagely said. Hermione nodded encouragingly.”

“The tall Death Eater was wearing a shirt that said ‘Hermione Has Forgotten How To Dance,’ so Hermione dipped his face in mud.”

“The Death Eaters were dead now, and Harry was hungrier than he had ever been.”

“The pig of Hufflepuff pulsed like a large bullfrog. Dumbledore smiled at it, and placed his hand on its head: ‘You are Hagrid, now’.”

Read it here: http://botnik.org/content/harry-potter.html

 

 

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My Top 5 Favorite Fantasy Heroines

I’m not exactly a feminist but it  gets suffocating to see the hunky alpha male always saving the day with a bimbo on the side. However, there have been some truly kickass female characters out there and I feel like 2013 has been the year of the female figure, not only in literature, but in music, movies and TV shows as well. Since I love fantasy I thought I’d list out my top 5 favorite fantasy heroines. Obviously these are not the only awesome fantasy heroines out there. I chose my favorite from pop culture.

Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games)

Katniss bravely volunteers in the place of her sister in the Hunger Games. She faces her fears head on and is protective of those she loves. I admire her courage in standing up for herself and the way she is willing to risk her life for her family and her district. Whether its the Hunger Games or taking on the Capitol, in the end against all odds, she wins. When it comes to the romance department however, she is the most awkward person ever not so lucky always. She is stubborn and hardworking and also great with the bow and arrow.

Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)

The reason I like Hermione is because not only is she smart but she is also caring about the little things and compassionate about lost causes, like her campaign to free the house elves. Also, she is adventurous and not afraid to take risks. She is always curious and as a result stumbles on the dangerous things. i.e. the forbidden section of the library. She makes nerds seem so badass. How can you not like her? Smart, brave and loyal, Hermione is sharp and always sticks up for her friends. Even if it might get her killed. Or worse. Expelled. 

Daenerys Targaryen (Game of Thrones)

From a fearful and docile little girl roaming the Free Cities to Khaleesi, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Queen of the Andals, Rhoynar and the First Men. Dany is, at first, constantly pushed down by others, especially her brother. But later on, discovers herself and builds real confidence. She can be kind and warm but also cold as ice when required (she doesn’t take shit from anyone). All in all she is one badass queen.

Clary Fray (The Mortal Instruments)

She may not be the best idol but this kickass ginger shadowhunter girl is a lot better than many of the fantasy novel heroines. The main reason I like Clary is her sarcasm. She always has the right quips for whatever Jace or anyone else throws at her. She is really stubborn and when she wants something, she does everything she can to accomplish it. She puts herself in danger (albeit sometimes needlessly) in order to do what she feels is right in her heart. She is also super artistic and expresses herself with a lot of depth.

Michonne (The Walking Dead)

The no nonsense, zombie splicing, katana wielding surviver from The Walking Dead; Michonne is caring and loyal yet deadly. She is a seemingly complex and mysterious character with a dark past. I admire her resourcefulness and general cool headedness. She also has a very keen sense of intuition about things. When everyone else is losing their minds, she is the only person that makes sense. Less words, more action. Also she is pretty good at cracking zombie skulls.